For the Kids, Should You Save Your Marriage and Heal Your Broken Heart?
Thursday, October 21st, 2010Many couples stay together for the sake of the kids. Is it really better for the kids to see you sacrifice your happiness for them? Or to be with someone that makes you blissful is it more important for them to witness? Can you mend your broken heart and save your marriage so your kids can continue to have a family?
I always believed that you should be happy in your relationship and that it was important for your kids to see a loving healthy couple. I felt this way because my parents fought all the time. My father was a pretty traditional man, with old fashion views and an appetite for alcohol. Even though my Mom was a bit more liberal, which could have been a due to her education, she was still expected to clean the house, cook dinner, drive us kids around as well as work a full-time job.
It was grueling to hold a full-time and run a household but my Mom survived somehow. Furthermore, my parents never appeared to get along whenever my Father was home as such their marriage looked like it was a continuous battle. Why they stayed together is something I could never figure out.
That is how my view of relationships formed, that the woman should be more giving and not to expect a lot in return. I believed that relationships were suppose to be trying as such you should never look forward to be happy within one and that the whole Cinderella thing was just a fairy tale.
My sisters and I thought a “normal” relationship was what my parents had, so this is the kind of relationship we looked for as we got older. If my parents had separated, would my sisters and I be in happier relationships or is it healthier to stay together for the kids?
I asked my Mom very honestly a few years ago, “Why did you stay with him all those years?” when she was complaining about my Dad. Her answer was “To move you and your sisters into a one bedroom apartment and to constantly worry about finding babysitter is not something I wanted.” I felt you were better off here, in a house, in a nice community”. I didn’t understand, I really felt we would have been better off if they had separated.
Recently though, I think I may have changed my mind as one of my friends is a single mom. Everyday she struggles with getting her kids to school and getting to work on time. Subsequently having someone there to pick her kids up after school something she need to ensure. She can’t afford to put her kids in extra activities as money is always an issue. When one of her son’s coaches came up to her and told her she should put her boy in special hockey school because he had a real talent, it broke her heart. She couldn’t find the money for it as the school was way too pricey. Her little boy has to suffer because of this, is that fair? If she could have saved her marriage maybe her son could have gone.
By getting a divorce and not working things out, I did not think or realize all of the opportunities that a child can lose out on. Although there is no easy answer to this very common question, most child psychologists recommend trying to fix the marriage unless there is physical abuse involved. The kid’s safety must come first. They also suggest if there is a lot of bickering involved the parents should do it away from the kids. Furthermore, working with a marriage counselor is recommended if the parents find it hard working through the issues on their own.
By rescuing your marriage and healing your broken heart, your children will grow up to have strong healthy relationships.
